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for two days and you're already freakin' homeless!Īchmed the Dead Terrorist: Me, I kill you!Īchmed the Dead Terrorist: Two Jews walk in a bar.Īchmed the Dead Terrorist: What? You don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bastard! Walter: I think it makes you look homeless! Been in D.C. Jeff Dunham: Well, they said it makes me look hip. Walter: What the hell happened to your hair? It looks like you were in a freakin' car wreck. Walter: Oh, I felt a disturbance in the Force! She called back and she's like "Did you hang up on me?" I said "I don't know, did it sound something like this - CLICK!" Walter: You heard a little of that, didn't ya?

Melvin: Yeah, like every white-trash guy on Cops. Jeff Dunham: Well, the angrier he gets, the stronger he gets. He can breathe underwater and talk to fish. It kept me awake for the whole damn thing. Walter: My wife and I heard that coffee is good for your sex life. Killing people is easy being politically correct is a pain in the ass. You kill people.Īchmed: That's different. Jeff Dunham: You're afraid of offending people? I was going to buy you chocolates, but I could only afford the penicillin. Walter: It was funny in junior high, and it's still funny now. Jeff Dunham: Penicillin for Valentine's Jeff Dunham and Walter Jeff Dunham: Happy VD. Jeff Dunham: Ah, and where would you have put it? Walter: I would have gotten a beautiful woman's face. Jeff Dunham: Well if you had, what would you have gotten? Jeff Dunham: Well, did they say it would be only female virgins?Īchmed: Holy Crap! Wait. Jeff Dunham: Well, you know, they say that women age like fine wine. Jeff Dunham: Walter, your wife is a lovely woman. I made an honest man out of him! And his mother got out of the other side and started swinging her crutches at me - took her out with the door. He got out of the car and there was nothin' wrong with him, don't you hate that? So I ran his ass over. And some jerk pulled up in a brand new Mercedes and pulled right into the handicap spot. Walter: My wife and I couldn't find any place to park anywhere near this stinkin' joint. 'Dearly beloved, we are gathered here todayÂ-' 'I'm not dead yet! Let me out of here! You son-of-a.' Peanut: I think it'd be cool to be a ventriloquist. Walter: I'd come back as my wife and leave me the hell alone. Jeff Dunham: Well if reincarnation happens, who would you come back as and what would you do? Jeff Dunham: Wal-mart, huh? What would be your opening line? Walter: I want to be a greeter at Wal-mart. 'It was three minutes ago!', 'Who are you?!?'. Walter: Their 80s? The hell kind of sex is that? 'Was it good for you?' 'I don't remember'. Jeff Dunham: I had grandparents that were well into their 80s and still were having fun. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results. You know, maybe she should call you FEMA. Exciting at first, then it ends in disaster. Jeff Dunham: Sometimes calls me the 'the Hurricane'.